OK, I can laugh now. But two hours ago? No laughing matter.
I hate spiders. If I see one, I call to my knight in shining armor and he bravely comes to my rescue.
Well when I went in the basement to retrieve the highchair today, no one was here to defend me from the hairy, ugly, scary, evil, why did God have to create these monsters?, creepy spider.
So what did I do? I took my highchair on upstairs and decided to bravely go into battle. I grabbed a shoe and slowly descended into the basement of terror. When I got to the bottom, I had to pause and recite to myself about 50 times, "I can do all things through Christ, I can do all things through Christ, I can do all things through Christ..."
Well, yes...I can. But in a minute. First, I needed more ammunition. A shoe just doesn't put that much space between you and the enemy, you know? I tried, but the thought of him running after me sent shivers down my back.
Round 2. Now I had Raid spray. It said it's for flying insects, but it also mentioned spiders on the back, so I figured it was worth a try. I screamed and sprayed him (you know, 'cause the screaming could just scare him to death) but he ran away, so I kept spraying. Eventually he curled up in a little ball. Ah ha. Got him.
Only a second later, those little legs popped out and off he scurried. I screamed again and sprayed some more. Apparently Raid does not kill man-eating spiders because it happened again and again - I thought I had him, but he tricked me. He was down, but not out.
I totally felt just like Julia Roberts did in Sleeping With the Enemy.
So, attempt number three. A fly swatter. I headed downstairs one last time to defend my honor and save my children from impending doom, and this time I got him.
At least I think so.
I'm too scared to go down and check.