Sunday, March 21, 2010

Growing In My Heart

Before we started the adoption process, there were all sorts of fears I had. Okay, if I'm being truly honest, I still have fears. But I really do feel them melting away.

One of my biggest fears was that I wouldn't love an adopted child the same way I love my biological children. Now everyone we've ever talked with who has a biological child and an adopted child says that they had the same fear and that of course you do love them the same. It's a hard concept to understand, though, before they're here with you.

I remember being pregnant with Sarah, wondering how I could possibly love another little person like I loved my Josh. But I reasoned that she's a girl, so it will feel different, and in that situation, different could equal the same. And you know what? Of course I feel the same about Sarah that I do about Josh.

Then came a pregnancy with Megan. This time I had a boy and a girl. Could I love Megan the same as I loved both of them? Again, of course...yes!! The way God grows mommy hearts is truly amazing. With each child, my heart seemed to grow just the right amount to fill it up.

This time my babies aren't growing in my tummy, but I definitely feel them growing in my heart.

While I wait to find out who my two new babies are, I really do feel my heart expanding and I already feel so much love for these little people I've never even met. I watch Gotcha Day videos on YouTube and cry like I would when I'd watch A Baby Story when I was pregnant. I imagine what it will be like when Hubby flies halfway around the world and calls me to tell me he's got them. I just think I'll be so emotional!! And when I think about being at the airport to see them, and hold them, and kiss them for the first time? I really can't even imagine what that moment will feel like. The suspense while I wait for them to get through that gate will be excruciating!! I know they may not feel comfortable with me at first, and I know I don't want to bawl like a baby and scare them, but I just know it will be such a special day with so many emotions swirling around.

I just love how God is changing my heart more and more each day. My fears are melting and in its place is love. I'd definitely choose love any day over fear. It feels much better.

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